Continuing on from my last blog, I would like to declare that I ended my online dating account yesterday.
Here were the last snapshots I took to reflect on in this post.
First of all, I have to admit, online dating is hard. It’s actually deceivingly hard because you have only certain elements for you to evaluate the opposite sex:
1) profile picture
2) their bio
3) their message to you
All these things entail certain marketing strategies, and will determine whether you get a reply back and ultimately lead to a potential date. For e.g. what is the best way to introduce yourself to somebody? How do you come across as friendly (but not too friendly), confident (but not too cocky), nice (but still independent)… I mean far out… is it just me or is this actually hard work?
Online dating is difficult because it’s about establishing credibility with a stranger you’ve never met, it’s about opening yourself up to others and being vulnerable to feedback; to rejection. The topic of vulnerability is something I hold close to my heart and is a topic in which I’ll share in a post of its own.
To all those who think online dating is a joke, and it’s sorely for losers who can’t score dates in the real world… shame on you. Online dating is such a sacred place and yes, whilst it does have people who disrespect the value it can add, it has a lot of vulnerable individuals who have been heart broken before and who would like a second or third or fourth chance at finding real love.
Ultimately, I think online dating is great for increasing the chances you have at meeting the opposite sex, which in turn increases your probability of success at finding love.
One thing I do not like about online dating, is the means to market. Yes, marketing is essential in online dating (To increase the chances of being noticed, you have to have some-what of an attractive picture of yourself). However, I dislike the way online dating makes it about competition. If you look at the last picture I uploaded, and my so-called ‘popularity rank’ among others on the dating site, I find this ridiculous. More importantly, I find this extremely shameful act on the dating website because you can actually make a payment and ‘purchase’ an increase of your popularity. The more popular you are, the more you’ll be viewed by others.
I mean… COME ON! Online dating is already hard enough, let alone the need to pay to be ‘noticed’ more by strangers that you don’t know. I think rather than encouraging people to find one another on the website, this act actually increase competition, which in turn encourages vulnerability, shame, and self-loathing. All of which are fine if you’re content and happy with who you are, but the truth is, a majority of the people aren’t. That’s why they seek to find love online, because in many ways, the computer screen acts as a protective shield.
So to cap up, online dating has many benefits, but it also has many cracks (mostly to do with the need for these sites to make money). Ultimately I quit the website because this was purely done for research and the process wasn’t much of a thing for me. However, if you are online and seeking for love, I would recommend this:
1) Find a good and trustworthy website – make sure you do your research on all online dating sites to see what benefits it has to offer and one which will provide value for money
2) Be fun, and charismatic in your bio, and also in your reply
3) Go with the flow, don’t set high expectations and most importantly, have fun with it
I think if people took the approach of viewing online dating as a means to increase a bit of self-confidence and potentially meeting new friends rather than lovers, they will find themselves achieving much more success than they had anticipated.