I cannot reiterate how important it is to know your self-worth when it comes to dating. It is important in 3 ways:
1) It shows that you are sure of who you are
2) It shows that you respect and love yourself
3) It shows that you will not lower your standards and values in order to please someone else
It’s not an easy habit to adopt, it is in fact, extremely hard. The reason why it’s so hard is because humans are conditioned to produce love for other people and we seek self-satisfaction from pleasing others, whether it is to provide support for our family, to help out a friend or colleague, to sexually satisfy our partner, or to provide for our significant other.
However, in the chaos of what we call life, we must constantly pause and remeasure and reflect on situations which will test our self-worth.
To give you a personal example, last night my best friend flew down from overseas to come spend sometime with me. I was thrilled to see her and after dinner we decided on a girls night out. A guy I’ve been seeing was also out and asked to see me. I told him that I was spending time with my best friend and if he really wants to see me he can meet me where I was. NOTE: I did not reply and say I wanted to see him too. I told him I was going to have a fun night out with/without him and that if he was to come, I was not going to prioritise him before my best friend (part of my values of integrity).
Long story short, he ended up coming to see me and told my friend (without even asking for her opinion) that he was going to have his ‘friend’ come and be her date (MISTAKE #1) and who, by the way, never showed up. I was having fun with my girl and other friends and didn’t really pay attention to him. So then what did he do? He decides to go speak to other women in the bar… as if to show me that he’s a desirable bachelor (MISTAKE #2). Then as we were sitting down he asked me to move away from my friend and to sit next to him (by the way we were sitting opposite each other) (MISTAKE #3). Of course I politely declined and said I am happy sitting where I am – next to my friend. Then, the BIGGEST MISTAKE he could have made was call my response ‘childish’ and say that I was not behaving like an ‘adult’. And then he got up and stormed out of the bar…
My response to that? OK.
I remained nonchalant, i was neither happy nor sad about the situation. To be honest, I think I was just glad he left so I could enjoy my night. But, I was proud of myself – for holding to my own values, knowing my self-worth, and being confident/strong enough not to let him tell me who I am (adult or child).
A few minutes later… he started sending msgs to me to meet up the next day… and calling me… and I just let it all ring through.
What I want to share with you all in my situation is the learning that you should never lower your standards in order to satisfy someone else. No matter how charming, gorgeous, muscular, tall, strong, sexy that other person is. Because at the end of the day, looks fade, and what remains is character. And character is about how much that person shows you that he/she respects you (and your friends) and also about how they hold themselves in a public setting – how they carry themselves and their behaviour (towards both strangers and non strangers).
This is the prime reason why often people meet someone who is extremely beautiful on the outside, only to find out that they are shallow, rude and disrespectful. Don’t be fooled by people’s exterior, because at the end of the day, you want to head into your grave knowing you lived a fulfilling life with a partner who taught you a lifetime worth of knowledge, than a partner who was a model at the age of 20 and was always the centre of the attention.
So, know your self-worth, remeasure and reflect on your values (this may be updated time to time as we get older), and never, EVER settle for less than you deserve.