In my previous post: https://lovethedatinggame.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/the-best-dating-secret-youll-ever-hear-part-i/ I wrote about how men and women misread signs from each other, and also the reasons why many are unsuccessful at dating because they either
1) Mis-read the signs from the opposite sex
2) Indulge in self-doubt
3) Place too much emphasis on the result
In this post, I would like to talk about point number 2.
Self-doubt (noun): lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities. This simple meaning derived from a Google search summarizes the biggest problem of today’s generation – people do not have the belief, faith, and confidence in themselves. This may be a result of the media and advertising telling us we’re too fat, too anorexic, too tall, too short.. eating away at what little confidence we have left.
But, I’d like to think that whilst it has a part to do with external factors, it’s large attributed to us, and our self control in allowing what can affect us. And based on that, it’s time to revisit what is really important – our core values. Our core values are what we hold important to us, and what we like to hold others accountable for. Examples are such:
1. Trustworthy, dependable, loyal, committed, consistent
2. Loving, caring, honest, fun-loving
3. Humorous, adventurous, positive, optimistic
4. Inspiring, passionate, courageous, educated
If you remeasure yourself against some of the values listed above, do you find yourself smiling a lot more? This is because we have got to stop focusing on our exterior and pay more attention to our interior, the ‘stuff’ that really matters. Learn to tell yourself everyday that you tick so many boxes on these core values and that is how you become more confident, and in turn, say goodbye to that self-doubt.
NB: I just want to make a clarification here on the difference between indulging in self-doubt and indulging in vulnerability. The former is about being your own enemy and not engaging in self-love. The later is about acknowledging that you are not perfect (and it’s OK no one is), and embracing imperfection, and having the courage to admit to it, and still love yourself. Author and researcher Brene Brown does a fantastic talk on this topic, you can find her TedTalk here: http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
By practicing talking positive to yourself, you’ll find yourself more enlightened, more happy, more loving – of yourself. After all, you are all you have in this world.
*PS: In my next post, I’ll discuss why many people are unsuccessful at dating because they place too much emphasis on the result – so keep watching this space!